


Five Truths about the Uzumaki

by BasicallyAnIdiot



Series: The Little Uzushio Chronicles [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Seals make the Uzumaki mad, F/M, Fix-It, Little Uzushio, No one expects an Uzumaki, Swearing, The Uzumaki are matriarchal, Uzumaki make their own booms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 00:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicallyAnIdiot/pseuds/BasicallyAnIdiot
Summary: It could be be said that the Uzumaki didn't adapt to Konoha, so much as Konoha adapted to the Uzumaki.





	Five Truths about the Uzumaki

**Author's Note:**

> Also known as scenes that happen in the Little Uzushio AU in no particular order. 
> 
> If the line "No one expects an Uzumaki" sounds familiar, that is because I read an amazing fic known as 'Reverse' (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339486/chapters/12328958) by blackkat and a character actually says it in the fic. I absolutely love that story and would recommend it to anyone looking for a fix-it fic and doesn't mind the 'E' rating it has. I also applaud your taste in fics.

**Five Truths About The Uzumaki**

 

****1) The Uzumaki take bad seal work personally. Very personally.** **

Kakashi held Rin’s hand as a mixture of blood and ink was painted into seals on her body. She was shaking, and tears were still falling- Kushina had warned that the botched sealing the Kiri-nin had done on the Isobu, the three-tailed bijuu would leave Rin... exposed, mentally. Minato-sensei and Obito were in the room, ink brushes in hand assisting the Uzumaki Seals Corp. The grumblings from Uzumaki Kensuke, head of the Seals Corp weren’t helping keep the tears at bay.

“I can’t believe this, this, this _ineptitude_!” Came one particularly loud growl from the youngish man as he examined the seal on Rin’s navel. “Using a lightning based half-seal on a being of water- I mean look at this. _Look at this!_ Those two can’t be paired together without serious repercussions to chakra regeneration.” Despite Kensuke’s apparent anger, his brush danced across with grace and refinement. “And they stole one of _our_ seals for this, this, this... travesty!”

“Ken-chan,” Kushina called out from the northern cardinal direction of the workings on the floor, two ink brushes behind an ear, “Chill out. We’ll track them and kill them later. I promise. Obito- how’s the eastern direction?”   

“Just...about...done!” The Uchiha ward of the Uzumaki replied, brush sticking out of the scarred side of his mouth and any other time Kakashi would have made a comment on his teammate’s stunned expression. But Obito was actually able to not only understand this working but help make it- something that Kakashi didn’t even know where to begin with.  “How you doing, sensei?”

“Finished.” Minato-sensei replied, an ink smear on his cheek. “This is a really interesting seal diagram, Kensuke-san.”

The Uzumaki man, older than Kushina and Minato with the stress lines to prove it, snorted. “It’s old enough to be new again, Minato. And Kushina-hime, what if they are already dead?”

The Uzumaki Heiress rolled her eyes. “Then we’ll bring them back and kill them again.”

Kakashi had the suspicion she wasn’t joking. Especially when Kensuke narrowed his eyes in consideration of the idea. “I thought, Mito-sama forbade us from continuing that line of research?”

Kushina shrugged. “They stole Uzumaki seals for bad seal work. I think she would grant us an exemption on those grounds alone.”

Kensuke hummed to himself, sticking his brush into his high ponytail and poked Kakashi with a ink-stained finger, “Oi. Kid. Time to move. Head to Obito-chan and be prepared to add your chakra to the mix.” He made his way to the Western direction.

“Kakashi?” Rin whispered, tears in her eyes, “It won’t stop screaming at me.”

“It’s okay, Rin.” Kakashi replied, as soothing as he could manage. “I told you before, the Uzumaki know their seals. You’ll be fine, but you need to let me go so I can make sure the idiot doesn’t screw it up.”

“Oi! I heard that, Bakashi!” Obito called over, “We’re waiting on you, bastard!”

“Language, Obito!” Kushina all but roared, “You don’t say shit like that!”

Rin hiccuped, laughter bubbling to her lips and let go of Kakashi’s hand for the first time since he brought her back to Konoha.

 

**2) The Uzumaki leave no one behind.**

“Stop squirming, brat.” Kushina grumbled, pulling her brush back when Obito flinched away. Half-finished seal work covered his chest, ready to tag his heart and chakra, while a small circle of seals surrounded him on the floor of the apartment he shared with his Uzumaki guardian. The table and couch had been shoved over to one wall to make room and he hadn’t been allowed to move in over an hour.

“But it’s cold~” The Uchiha whined, trying not to scratch the ink, “Seriously.”  

“Hey! This is important.” Kushina growled, eyes narrowed into a glare until Obito sat stone-still for her to finish. “Once this is complete, as long as you are alive, I’ll know and be able to find you. Okay? There’s even a nasty booby-trap if anyone tries to fu- frigg with it.”

Obito looked down at the working, he could sort of make out some of things Kushina had been trying to teach him but most of it looked like scribbles. “That’s cool. How come this isn’t mandatory for all Konoha shinobi?”

Kushina was quiet for a moment, a sure sign that Obito had stepped into a sensitive topic with his guardian. Her brush moved swiftly. “It is an Uzumaki working.” She said simply, “Created after the Uzumaki arrived in Konoha to protect what remains of our clan.”

Ah shit. Obito _had_ stepped in it. He had heard about how, even though many Uzumaki had made it to Konoha during the evacuation of Uzushio, many didn’t and no one knew where they had gone or if they were even alive. “Oh.” He blinked up at her, “Does this mean… that you want me to be an Uzumaki?”

“Kid,” Kushina said, her brilliant smile back in its rightful place, “You already _are_ an Uzumaki.”

______

No shit, nasty booby-trap.

Obito stared at the smear on the floor that had been Zetsu and back to the seal over his heart before looking at the ancient guy who claimed to Uchiha Madara, who looked just as shocked as Obito was.  “That…” The man rasped, “Was an Uzumaki working.”

Obito nodded in surprise. That, whatever that... explosion was, had been even more shocking than finding out the only reason he was alive was because of the alien goo that was part of his body now. “Yeah. When Mito-sama designs a seal, she designs a hell of a seal.”

The elderly man flinched at the name. “Uzumaki Mito?” He clarified. “She’s still alive?”

“Yeah.” Obito said absently, scratching at an itch in the fold of a new scar on his face. “If I was you, I’d start running.”

 

**3) The Uzumaki make their own explosions, particularly when there haven’t been any in the village for a while.**

Flames consumed the remains of what had once been a building. A beam gave way somewhere in the burning structure, and part of the roof caved in with it. On the other side of the new crater in the road, flames were being doused with copious water jutsu courtesy of the Konoha Police Force- the only force that the Uzumaki actually respected enough not to prank. Most of the time.

Minato, Yondaime Hokage, pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not how he had hoped to start his day. “What happened?”

“Well,” Kushina began, carefully not looking him in the eye, dressed in her formal white robes as the Uzumaki Clan Head. Her long red hair pulled back into two buns with expensive hair pieces. “It’s actually a funny story.”

Another beam gave way, and the structure collapsed to the ground with an earthquake like crash. A worrying amount of sparks flared up into the wind. “Oh really?” Minato followed up with in the silence.

“Yup!” Kushina said, rocking back and forth on her heels and still not looking Minato in the eye. “Fugaku-chan wanted to test the Police Force’s response time to an attack in the village and it was a good exercise for the Uzumaki to handle the fake attack part. I think the Police Force deserves a solid 9 out of 10. You should tell them that.”

“Nine out of 10.” Minato repeated, brain working through it. “You took out a block of buildings! You’re lucky no one was hurt!”

“Please.” Kushina scoffed, “This is the abandoned part of town now owned by the Uzumaki. Slated for demolition so we can have our own compound, ya know. ‘Sides, this is a shinobi village; explosions should be expected now and again.”

Moving past pinching the bridge of his nose, Minato started rubbing his temple. “Do I dare ask who you sent to do this?”

Kushina ignored him, sort of. “Well, that’s why the Police are only getting 9 out of 10. They still haven’t caught him.”

A sinking feeling grew in Minato’s stomach. Turning to his wife of six years, he licked his lips. “Kushina?”

“Yes, Minato?” She replied with a grin.

He hated that he had to ask this because he was pretty sure he already knew the answer, “Where’s Naruto?”

“Oh, you know.” Kushina said lightly, mischief dancing in her violet eyes, “He is currently practicing his evasion skills after setting a couple of abandoned buildings on fire. I, personally, am super proud of him. That was a beautiful explosion he managed from a single seal.”

 

**4) The Uzumaki are matriarchal.**

“I’m confused.” Kayame, the acting Uzumaki clan-head, said to Kushina, “Why would these Konoha clans allow _men_ to make the decisions? I mean, you get two men together and it automatically turns into ‘who has the better jutsu’ or ‘who’s stronger’ instead of the important stuff you actually need to work on.”

Inuzuka Tsume had already lost it with laughter on the other side of the booth, so Kushina couldn’t count on her help to clear up the confusion. The Chunin sighed, because clearly the war council had devolved into bickering between the Hyuuga and Uchiha, again, and after that there really was no way to defend it, “Yeah, well that’s just the way it is in Konoha, you know?”

“No! I do not know!” Kayame announced, the sake apparently finally catching up with her if the blush was anything to go by. “I mean how do they keep track of the clan name? Through the father? Honestly, you don’t necessarily know who the father is, but you can be damn sure of who the mother is. The Uzumaki name travels through the mother’s side because it is the only side that matters!”

Tsume, clan head for the equally matriarchal Inuzuka Clan, gasped for breath, tears in her eyes, wheezing out, “Preach, sister, preach.”

 

**5) No one ever expects an Uzumaki.**

The Kyuubi, bound in chains and stretched spread eagle and still huge, stared at her with hungry red eyes. It blinked slowly and managed to speak around the chain keeping its maw shut, “You want to what?”

Uzumaki Kushina set one hand on her hip and met the bijuu’s gaze evenly. “I said that you and I are going to be friends.”

The fox, red like her hair, kept staring at her. “I don’t understand.” Red eyes narrowed, “Did you hit your head?”

Ha. She finally managed to throw it off balance. “What? No! Didn’t you hear about Minato’s battle with the Kumo-nun?”

“No, I slept through it, meat-bag.” The rumbling growl returned to Kushina’s mental landscape, and she rolled her eyes at her prisoner.

“It’s Ms. Meat-bag to you, furball.” Kushina replied, “And why wouldn’t you listen to Minato? He’s a pretty good story-teller.”

“You only say that because you think he’s pretty.” The Kyuubi countered.

“That’s cause he _is_ pretty!” Kushina blushed. This was not where she wanted the conversation to go. “That’s besides the point. The point is that we can work together and kick butt! Don’t you want to kick butt?”

The bijuu blinked at her again, slowly. “You are insane.” It concluded.

“Just you wait, fur ball,” Kushina, growled back at the fox, “I’ll wear you down and then you’ll have to be my friend.”


End file.
